"…the curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I change."
— Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person (1961)
Person-centred
I work as a person-centred counsellor which has a very specific meaning and is based on the work of Carl Rogers. He believed that every living organism has a tendency towards growth and the fulfilment of our full potential (the actualising tendency). Our environment can often interrupt that growth as we take on beliefs and roles that help us to survive, but ultimately take us further and further away from our true selves. That gap between our true selves and the version that we’ve been forced to create can lead to psychological tension which can show up in many ways, such as anxiety and physical symptoms. Rogers described a set of conditions including empathy and unconditional positive regard which, when extended towards the client in the therapy room can lead to positive and lasting change.
Non-directive
The belief in the actualising tendency means that person-centred counsellors are typically non-directive in their approach which means that they trust the client to set the agenda for the sessions. This may sound counter-intuitive, but who knows more about your own life and experience than you? My job is to listen very closely for the things that you’re not quite saying and to bring them gently into your awareness. I may spot patterns in what you’re saying, or make links between things that you’ve never noticed before. Another way to think about it is that you’re responsible for the content of counselling, whereas I’m responsible for the process. That’s a simplification of course and the roles can be fluid.
Attachment informed
Drawing on attachment theory (which is concerned with how we form attachments with our primary caregivers from birth, and how adverse factors can impact those attachments to our detriment later in life), I work in a way which is aware of how attachment styles can show up in the counselling room. With some clients this means that the work isn’t just about the things that they want to talk about. It can also be about the way that client and counsellor relate to each other. When a counselling relationship is working well, it’s possible for us to build a different way of relating to each other (within professional boundaries) that can be beneficial for your other relationships.
Neurodivergent affirming
Although I don’t have an official diagnosis, through my work with clients I’ve come to realise that I strongly identify with a number of autistic traits. Perhaps unsurprisingly this means that my client base includes individuals working on understanding their own neurotypes, and work with current and former clients has explored autism, ADHD, dyscalculia and dyslexia.
Safe and secure
The counselling relationship is usually very different from any other relationships in your life. It’s governed by professional boundaries agreed at the outset, and the content our our sessions is kept strictly confidential (barring certain scenarios including safeguarding concerns). As your trust in me builds over time, this gives you a unique opportunity to talk about things that you may never have spoken of before, things which may be holding you back in life.